Wednesday, April 7

Fear.

I decided that I am a runner for life:
I run for excercise
I run to chase my dreams
I run away from things that I know will hurt me
and lastly
I run from things that I am fearful of; even if I know its for the better.

This past week have been thinking a lot about fear.

Last week I found myself sitting in my backyard just thinking. The second time it was night, the wind was blowing, and it was slightly snowing. When I need to escape from loud things I go outside. So I decided to go outside and read my book (My sisters keeper). I found myself stopping and breathing in the moment: my hair was being blown in the wind, my hands were cold, the windchim and wind were making music, and the snow was falling slowly over my head. It was amazing. I've never felt so much peace. As I was soaking in this moment a thought came into my head that almost knocked me over. It came in my mind so peacfully and gently but with so much power at the same time (Is that even possible?). 

A little background before I tell you what I thought: Growing up I was always afraid of the weather. It TERRIFIED me. And I am not exaggerating to the least bit. I believe it scared me because I could never control it. Whenever it rained I would bawl and hide with-in my house if I could. Whenever the wind blew I bawled.. and would hide. I remember a windy day in elemetary school where I cried. As I continued to grow the fear still stuck with me. Even last year I was still afaid. I mean I would get so afraid to the point where I would get really bad anxiety. So there is a little about me.

To continue what I was saying about my thoughts: As I was letting the wind blow through my hair I felt so good! I had this overwhelming feeling that I wasn't afraid anymore. And Then I realized that anything that I am afraid of, with time, I can overcome. I know it sounds cheesy, but it was amazing! I felt so good! And since then I haven't been afraid. Yesterday it thundered.. and I wasn't afraid. It is so simple. Maybe this is a little sign of me growing up (who would have thunk).

This experience made me realize that no matter what challenge we may have to face, we can overcome it. I realized that maybe the best solution is to just stand still instead of "running" away from my fears.


He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.
-Ralf Waldo Emerson