Thursday, October 10

overload.




Overload is an understatement.
Overload of learning.
Overload of expectations.
Overload of trying to overcome.
Overload of just trying to be me.
Overload of thinking.

One two three. Breath.
Ya, that's what I've tried to tell myself this past week.
If you've read my blog in the past you've probably come across something
of how I love running. Maybe sometimes faster than my body really can till I run it down
to the point where only my thoughts can run; circles and circles around my head they run.
Then my thoughts are running so fast that I can't even spit them out because the energy to spit
them out is long gone from running too fast in the first place.

I've been trying to work through a lot of these old running habits. I've learned that running in general
isn't really good for you- at least thats what my massage therapist keeps telling me and even the scriptures remind me to not run faster than I have strength. And you may think I'm talking about the real physical running I used to engross close to 3 hours of my time a day in. But no, I'm talking about the race of life. Since hitting my lowest point of sickness with in these last 3-2 years I've slowly been working my way back to regular day to day tasks. Its been hard and at the beginning, I'll be honest, I failed a lot. I tried to run the same speed I did before I got sick.. which led me to the whole reason why I got sick in the first place... running running running, with out taking time to acknowledge my body was trying to tell me there was something more going on inside than all the tasks and expectations I put on my to-do list.

This past week in my Yoga class (and other moments of prayer and meditation) I had the most enlightening and hard hitting moment... We were in a certain vinyasa and the teacher said "its important to go slow. doing this will help you figure it out." She was talking about the certain move we were practicing but it hit me deeper than the words were intended for. It reminded me as I slow down I'll figure things out. Things will be okay and I'll be okay. I'll be safe, and not running full speed to wreck into an object right in front of me (true story of my soccer happenings last week).

Things take time. Learning takes time. Dreams and goals that are realistic take time. Obstacles to overcome take time. Trying to be true to me every second of the day takes time. Living up to the expectations God has for me, takes time (and he knows that.. that's why he's provided means to met those: Faith, Repentance, etc.). Being firm in thought and mind takes time.
I like this quote..

So I'm going to takes things slow and in time I'll figure them out.

Which I forgot to mention.. I'm finally a senior in college and will hopefully be applying to grad school this next fall! Hopefully I can learn this whole slow down thing in the process so I can be a successful student and most importantly friend, daughter, sister, etc.

Much love and happiness!