Sometimes life hurls us into places we never thought we'd go.
At 12 years old I would have never thought I would only have 7 more years to enjoy with my dad.
If I would have know that I probably would have been a little more grateful, kind, loving, appreciative,
and present... instead of trying to run away from what I thought was broken (more to explain on that later).
But you wanna know what? I've come to learn that all that we
go through helps us in someway become the people God sees in us to become.
Not that I needed my dad to pass away to become my full potential, but, that excruciating pain
of loosing someone I loved so much, helped me realize that there are more things within me than I would
have ever thought.
have ever thought.
It's been 5 years today from when I found out my dad passed away. I can still remember that day like a movie playing on a screen in front of me. I was getting ready to leave to California with my friends. My very first real spring break in college. I remember feeling so grown up to be going on my first trip far away with friends. The morning before we were going to leave I was helping my grandpa out at his house. He received a call from my mom while we were standing in his kitchen. The sun was shinning in the room bright and clear almost like a bright dream. I was taking something out of a bag when I saw tears rolling down my grandpa's face. I had seen my grandpa cry before but it was very rare so I knew something was up. When he got off the phone he told me I needed to go home and gave me a hug. I felt so weird. Like I was a little school girl who's teacher told them to go home with out any explanation. As I drove home almost in a daze (which to be honest is perfectly normal for me anyways) I drove past my dad's house on the way to my moms. I remember seeing a bunch of ambulances and cop cars (at least that's how my mind remembers it). The brave woman that I pretend to be thought maybe my dad's house had been robbed and I wanted to turn around and give those robbers a piece of my mind. Just as I was about to turn around, a still voice gently said "go home to your mother." I then kept driving towards my mom's house (for those of you who don't know with my parents being divorced they only lived about a block away from each other). When I got home my mom was sitting in her usually spot on the porch. When she saw me it was almost like a deer in the headlights-like she didn't know what she was going to do with me. I was so confused. This is when she came to me an with stumbled words falling out of her mouth that my dad had passed away. I couldn't breath. My world had stopped and all I knew was I was being embraced in my moms arms and nothing else existed. Needless to say I never made it on my first "big girl" trip with my friends.... but I will never forget that spring break for the rest of my life. Never before have I felt so embraced in God's love. That things were going to be okay.
This is just the beginning of where I started to feel hurled into becoming who I am today.
So much has changed since that day. And I feel the only way I can show that is through a few pictures.
|my bro and sister got baptized!|
|moe became part of our family|
|I served a mission and met some of the best people on this earth.|
|I learned I have crazy food allergies|
|I learned I like riding road bikes.. when I used to be afraid of them (my dad's bike ^)|
|I've become more independent and okay with the weird person I am at times.|
|I experimented and also learned I love to long board. a Lot.|
|Moe got a friend.|
|I moved to USU and had some of the best roommates a girl could ask for (seriously).|
|I got to nanny for many different families.|
|I decided I like wearing two pieces. Not to show off but because I can.|
|My brother has gotten huge.|
|I've tried a variety of different foods to learn what I like and don't like with food restrictions.|
|I tried to skate board. It didn't last long.|
|I died my hair red. And then went back brunette..|
|A few of my best friends had babies and I love them like my own family.|
|umm... I still wear whatever I want.|
|I love my brothers more.|
|Been to a lot of weddings.|
|taken lots of family pictures.|
|my second trip to California after the cancellation of the first one.|
|transfered to the U for my last couple semesters of College|
|Made new friends from all walks of life.|
|learned I love to play soccer.. especially in a cheeseburger xxl shirt.|
|Of the many friends that have gotten married I was super excited for this girls wedding day!|
|And this is a picture of the many times I've gotten hurt.|
|me today. Still smiling. Maybe just a little bit older, stronger, wiser, weirder, and whatever else.|
As you can tell....a lot has changed in just 5 years. But a few things have stayed the same.. like the fact that I still have a dad and a mom who love me. Two brothers and two sisters I will continue to love more and more every day. And even the fact that I'm still 5'3 and still haven't grown the 3 more inches I swear I still am going to grow.
I miss my dad everyday. But I know he's near. That he loves me. And that he is proud of who I'm becoming. Just because someone passes away doesn't mean they are forever gone. It's the opposite.. they are closer than they ever were.