Yesterday I received a phone call I'd been waiting on for a few months. I was left feeling I could scream this phrase... Where is the love people!? After working so hard for years on letting go, this was the final thing I thought would bring peace and help me let go. I went into the situation realizing it could go both ways.. until I got the news and I was disappointed beyond all belief. How could someone get away with living in lies?
After letting myself cry a little and be mad, I realized what's the point? Why let someone have one ounce of power anymore? It's important we face our emotions, our past, whatever it may be affecting our present, but what happens when you've already faced so much and its time to let it go? How do you do it? How do you just let something go that's been hunting you for so long? And how do you know if its really time?
I guess these are questions we figure out more as life continues forward. I think though, sometimes letting go is doing all we can to make something right and then letting go of the control, the need to make things right and accepting it as it is; seeing where you can move from there. Like a person that comes to a cliff to find out they can't move on anymore.. until they soon realize they have just what they need to climb down, the talent and equipment.
A few months ago as I was in the thick of it, my heart was in the tune of the song "Sounds like Somewhere," by Lily and Madeline "Someday I'll find the right words, and I'll bloom where I was planted long ago, until then I'll be waiting, hoping, to one day let go."
Sometimes letting go is as simple as turning away from what hurt you. Maybe it's as simple as saying no to an old habit. Sometimes it isn't as simple and you take it one day at a time, letting go a little each day those things that weigh you down, remembering there are much brighter things to come.
As I wrote a letter with all my thoughts and feelings regarding my disappointment I felt a bit of freedom. I went to burn the letter hoping to signify moving forward, I found myself not really needing what I've held onto for so long. The anger, sadness, regret, confusion, hate, and worthlessness got swallowed up in fire. I waited for tears to come but the tears never came. I walked away a little lighter. Remember letting go is a process, the first step to it is turning away (at least in my case).
We may never have the answer to our questions and somedays we may find the urge to sing the song "where is the love." But what I've learned is those unanswered questions, disappointments, heart aches, and moments of letting go lead down paths we've never imagined. Despite suffering I've been through, or watching the suffering of people I love, I believe love does exist and hope is real. Sometimes all it takes to realize it, is: letting go.